Ashley Judd (uuz) wrote,
Ashley Judd
uuz

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Jennifer Garner Fans Are All Broke....

I'm willfully refraining from commenting on the newest American hero and sexpot...
I'm talking Floyd Landis, of course! You can't blame the guy for having both of his balls. You've got to have shitloads of testosterone to beat Spain's finest, and keep your rotting cucumber of a hip from spewing shards out the side of you. But if he's got too much testosterone, he's on the 'roids. Landis: what would your Pennsylvanian statesmen say???

In other news, I've just made the biggest financial decision of my life. That's right, folks, I'm getting the complete Alias set. Five glorious seasons of sexual objectification! ...I mean, empowerment! Why would I shell out $140 on a bunch of DVDs that I've already illegally burned and kept under the ottoman in my family room? Because legality makes SENSE, just like it'll make sense when I'm lawfully wed to my husband, or when I legally purchase crack/cocaine from the United States Liberal Government in 2027... Of course, the only thing that stopped me from getting the 82% cheaper season 5 by itself was the shitty cover... C'mon, guys, your main character is the
LADY GODDESS KNOWN AS JENNIFER-freaking-GARNER and you couldn't find a picture that didn't make her look like a constipated man? Whatever, guys. So a box'll be coming my way near December, with the most awesome Rambaldi packaging I've seen all week...

The AP dolts sent my portfolio back yesterday. Coincidentally, they left an apology for my severely inadequate score on the cover. It spells "FBB," which is what was in my grading report. The poor people couldn't spell the word right, but I don't expect much from a bunch of 70-year-old ex-hippies who think that teen angst is the pinnacle of expressive art.

Speaking of ex-hippies, I can't wait till A Prayer For Owen Meany is over. The narrator is...pretty much like Menasche, but 200% taller and 67% more Canadian. To John Irving: THANK YOU for leaving our country. You just raised its average IQ by about 2%. Feel free to seeth with the geese for as loooong as necessary.
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